Be Afraid
This site has a few links to Amazon.com, so people can buy my books online. Amazon is pretty handy because it delivers to almost anywhere in the world, even strange, backward countries where some of my books would otherwise be unavailable, like Britain, or Australia. Amazon also kicks me back about 6.5% on the purchase price, which, if I have worked this out correctly, is actually more than I make in royalties on some editions.
Amazon pays this percentage not just on the items I link to directly, but also anything else a person picks up while they’re there. So if you follow a link to Company and, on impulse, add a pair of Haines Boxer Briefs to your shopping cart—as someone did—I get a percentage of that, too. A percentage of the price, I mean. Not a percentage of the briefs. Because that would be weird.
You see where I’m going with this. Obviously there is some fascination in looking at exactly what people are buying along with their Jennifer Governments and Syrups. (I can’t tell who bought any particular item, of course. I’d need to be a government employee concerned about terrorism to learn that. All I know is that someone did.) It’s fascinating because people buy some really weird things.
Oh, most are logical enough. Serenity DVDs and Chuck Palahniuk novels, for example; I can see why someone who’d been reading my site might want to pick those up. But sometimes… well, see for yourself.
This is what somebody—I feel fairly confident it’s a single person—bought from Amazon via my site recently:
- 5.11 Tactical Unisex Concealable Gear Vest
- Genuine Military New Issue Marine Corps Style Nylon Quick Release Pistol Belt (Olive)
- Elite Metal Aviator Sunglasses with Mirror Lens
- Short Beanie / Dk. Grey
Now you know what to do if a person wearing this approaches you one dark night. That’s right: you say, “Hey, are you a Max Barry fan too?” It could save your life.
20 comments | MaxBarry.com › Max › Be Afraid
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Ruth (#288)
Location: Bath, United Kingdom
Quote: "Only the insane have strength enough to prosper. Only those who prosper may truly judge what is sane."
Posted: 6504 days ago
Gregory Rubin (#72)
Location: Seattle, WA
Quote: "SSIMB!"
Posted: 6504 days ago
Morzaria (#463)
Location: Bangalore, India, well, most of the time atleast...
Quote: "We are gonna run run run to the cities of the future.."
Posted: 6504 days ago
shabooty (#637)
Location: D.C./V.A/M.D.
Quote: "I will shake your foundation. I will shake the f**cking rafters. Nobody'll be the same -Danny Bonaduce ....& go visit my blog @: http://www.shabooty.com"
Posted: 6504 days ago
sounds like the marine that Clay Aiken allegedy slept with (and dominated in bed)
:p
Hobbie (#1359)
Location: Cornwall, England
Quote: "There was a little man in his hair!"
Posted: 6504 days ago
bob (#2120)
Location: silicon valley
Quote: "they talked in papery whispers."
Posted: 6504 days ago
Sad reality of those nasty messes is that, in plenty of cases, the gov't has not provided the equipment and gear people desperately need.
Adam (#24)
Location: Morristown, Indiana
Quote: "Why do I blog? Simple, because Max Barry blogs."
Posted: 6504 days ago
DEAR RAT
I recently stumbled upon a paper that I wrote in the third grade. The directions are as follows: "There is a mouse living in your desk at night. Write a letter to him. He will read it when you get home!"
Here was my response...
"Dear rat,
Get out of my desk or I will kick you, hit you, and hurt you very badly. Tomorrow, I will bring mouse traps to school and put them all over my desk. If that doesn't work, I will take mouse killer and spray it all all over my desk. If you eat my homework, I will kill you slowly and painfully. If you want to die, you can eat my homework. I hope you had a nice time reaing this.
Sincerely,
adam"
I thought that was rather amusing...
-adam
Kevin R (#500)
Location: MD, USA
Quote: ""the" - Max Barry"
Posted: 6503 days ago
Alan W (#1427)
Location: Spokane, Washington
Quote: "Corgis are like potato chips"
Posted: 6503 days ago
Yubi Shines (#1664)
Location: Canada
Quote: "HOPE RIDES ALONE!"
Posted: 6503 days ago
Rod McBride (#688)
Location: Gardner, KS
Quote: "www.MidwestRockLobster.blogspot.com"
Posted: 6503 days ago
Which was awesome. Good on you.
David (#1848)
Location: Texas
Quote: "Delighted!"
Posted: 6503 days ago
If members of the US military have to buy their berets on Amazon, things must be worse than I thought. I think it's just some dude. But don't worry, Max, he was probably already like that BEFORE he read your books.
Be nice if you could browse through that kind of information in the normal course of making an online purchase. I think it would be cool and scary, and it would save conformists a lot of time.
David (#1848)
Location: Texas
Quote: "Delighted!"
Posted: 6503 days ago
Yenzo (#829)
Location: Secret underwater pyramid base in the Pacific
Quote: "In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe (Carl Sagan)"
Posted: 6503 days ago
But hey everybody, how bout we do Max a little favor and all buy this, together with one of his books:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00092GW2O/qid=1149769260/sr=8-7/ref=pd_bbs_7/102-0761330-6072941?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=3760901
Come on... you know you want it. Gonna help you get up in the morning. And Max will get what, like $150 each time?
Monkeywright (#1732)
Location: Los Angeles, Californi-YARGH!
Quote: ""China is Here?" I don't even know what the hell that means! - PS - visit scenic www.monkeywright.com"
Posted: 6502 days ago
BADONKADONK!
If the link below doesn't work, search for badonkadonk on amazon - oddly, it comes up when you search for RAZR as well...
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00067F1CE/sr=8-9/qid=1149810868/ref=pd_bbs_9/104-0131343-1729578?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance">BADONKADONK!</a>
Lapse (#86)
Location: Brisbane Australia
Quote: "You're adopted and we hate you."
Posted: 6502 days ago
For some reason it is just kin da hard to imagine a person with a nnose as big as yours playing commando... it'd be somthing similar to Corporal Klinger from M*A*S*H... But i guess it would add to the air of mystery surrounding you:
Yenzo: come to think of it I could always use a personal defib... I believe I am actually lisenced to use that one aswell... (although anyone with a funtional ear and finger would be able to)
Yubi Shines (#1664)
Location: Canada
Quote: "HOPE RIDES ALONE!"
Posted: 6500 days ago
CameoAppearance (#2439)
Location: Vancouver, BC
Quote: "Please tell me I'm not related to these people."
Posted: 6496 days ago
But I look horrible in aviator sunglasses...
Craig Barron (#1276)
Location: Leeds, UK.
Quote: "Trust Elizabeth to get upset over a donut."
Posted: 6478 days ago
hehe
Now if you click on the:
Ultra Force Marine Corps Style Nylon Q.R. Pistol Belt, Olive, Medium www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0009EKR46/theofficimaxxbar
link you get:
You may also be interested in these items...
Apathy and Other Small Victories !!!
Gunna be loads of Max Barry fan clones reading Apathy!
Starnge world man!
KaelSeoras (#2580)
Posted: 6444 days ago
* Genuine Military New Issue Marine Corps Style Nylon Quick Release Pistol Belt (Olive)
* Elite Metal Aviator Sunglasses with Mirror Lens
* Short Beanie / Dk. Grey
lol way to be subtle about it, getting that all from the same site. Obviously an amateur at...whatever he was planning to do o.O
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