The Syrup film producers want to mock up some cans
of Fukk. I think they are hatching some kind of promotion. They asked if
I had a design in mind, and I said not really, but I bet if I mentioned it
on my web site, somebody would come up with something good.
So here we are. If you invent a graphic design the producers
like, they’ll mail you some of the mocked-up cans, and
I’ll send you an autographed book, and the next time we’re all in a limo
with Natalie Portman and she says, “I don’t wanna go home! Where can
we party?”, we’ll suggest your place. Although that last
one has never happened yet, so I wouldn’t count on it. Still:
cans and book.
Your design should:
be for an energy drink called “Fu*k”
(as opposed to a cola called Fukk; that’s changed in the script)
be shaped appropriately to be used on a can
probably have a black background
I’m thinking you may not need to be particularly fancy on this one, because
understated is cool. But whatever you think. If you want to enter,
Aussies in Melbourne:
I’m appearing at the Melbourne Writers Festival this coming week.
See? I am too.
Let’s get this out of the way first: some parents
tried to name their baby “@,”
which is the name of a character in Syrup. I guess it’s a good
month for real-life Syrup connections. Unfortunately
the baby does not appear to be a blonde, slutty, backstabbing corporate villain,
but still: I need to mention it because every newspaper in the world ran the
story, and everyone who’s read Syrup (all seventeen
of you, bless you) e-mailed me about it.
Going above and beyond, however, was Andrea, who also pointed me toward
TatAD (“Bring your advertising to life!”),
which is a company that brings together corporations who want to get their
logos branded onto human skin and people who think that sounds like a pretty
Are you ready to start making some BIG BUCKS as a TatAD promoter?
All you have to do is get our logo tattooed on you! Then get ready to cash in BIG TIME!
To its credit, TatAD takes the time to address the notion that getting yourself
imprinted with a logo for money is
some kind of sell-out:
You are already a walking billboard for your favorite companies simply by wearing their clothes or driving their cars or smoking their cigarettes.
You are a salesman for your favorite companies without a paycheck!
In fact… YOU PAY THEM!!!
Don’t look at it as the corporate world has initiated this, the people have, we
had no potential sponsors when we began, only people who wanted to be sponsored.
When you look at it from that angle there is no corporate sell out, in fact it’s the other
way around. We have the opportunity to get something in return for once.
It’s that simple, we’re all walking billboards anyway so why not get paid to do it
Now, I might quibble with TatAD that there is a difference between simply telling people
about a product you like, and getting paid to be branded with logos. A few differences,
actually. One of which is “credibility.”
But that’s just details. What interested me most was TatAD’s supply and demand
problem. Their forums are
full of people
to be tattooed, many being
not too particular
about with what, exactly. (My favorite:
wants my face?”)
It’s clearly a buyers market: if you’re looking to imprint your logo
on some flesh, you’ve got yards and yards to choose from.
So naturally you’d look for prime real estate: the young, the beautiful, the
admired, and the desired—as opposed to, say, the guy who has
“a few spaces
left on my right forearm”. Sorry, dude, in advertising we call that clutter.
It’s the same rules as celebrity endorsement: if you’re a sports star,
Nike pays you to wear its products; if not, you pay Nike. But now the bar is
much lower. You don’t need to be one of the best tennis players in the world;
you can earn a little sponsorship money just by being kind of awesome.
Ideally you’re gorgeous, of course. That’s the kind of awesomeness that
everyone understands. But I bet an admired DJ can make a few bucks from logo
tattoos, no matter what he looks like. Or a college high jump star.
Anyone who’s kind of awesome, even on a relatively small scale, I think
can look forward to a bright future of ever-increasing options for
turning their awesomeness into cash.
A certain amount of shamelessness will be required, of course.
But that’s a small price to pay for being able to make a career out of
being awesome. After all, you were going to do that anyway.
I’ve been working on a Syrup screenplay for
a while now. Longer than I like to think about, really. Anyway, there’s
a bit I’m using from the book where our hero, Scat, is trying
to come up with a brilliant new idea for a Coke TV ad, and instead
has a bad one:
I have started to wonder about the beach: about variations on a
giant inflatable beach ball. I am thinking about this ball rolling
through a major American city, with people running and screaming.
Now come on. That’s Scat’s stupid idea. The only difference
is it’s Pepsi instead of Coke, and people having fun instead
of being crushed to death. And that change, frankly, was disappointing.
I really thought I was about to see some mayhem.